


Realizations

by AxJ



Category: Stitchers (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 02:05:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4503666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AxJ/pseuds/AxJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirsten realizes some things after Stitching into Cameron. </p><p>(SPOILERS)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kirsten wasn't prepared to see Cameron's memories. She expected to just see wheelchair guy and leave, so they could revive him. But she got so much more.

She felt every emotion he did when he looked at her. Joy, happiness, longing, hurt, worry, disappointment. 

When she saw herself walk into his kitchen wearing his clothing, she felt an overwhelming sense of longing. It felt like he wanted the circumstances to be different, or he wanted to see her like that more often.

The kiss brought on more confusion, but also joy and happiness. Even though she didn't remember it, he certainly did with a degree of clarity that was unheard of in most memories.

Watching herself kiss Liam felt like a stab to the gut. It was like her heart shattered and a hot knife was twisting inside her stomach. Was this what he felt like whenever she was with Liam? Guilt overwhelmed her, but it was her own emotion, not Cameron's. 

In every emotion love intensified. Kirsten knew they had a connection, but had never realized that he loved her. And she hadn't realized that she had felt the same way.

Love is messy. Love isn't butterflies in your stomach every time you see the object of your affection, or mindless flirty banter all the time. Kirsten realized this now. Cameron was right; love was an intense connection. Love was being completely comfortable around someone, no matter what. 

Love is waking someone up at 3 am and them not caring. Love is being worried about your safety, even over little things. Love is trusting someone completely and irrevocably. Being in love means accepting someone as they grow and change, not forcing them to stay the same. 

Kirsten had never realized that not only was she best friends with Cameron, she loved him completely. And it killed her to not understand this until now.

"I didn't know!" She cried. "I didn't know!"

She didn't know Cameron had loved her all this time. She had never been shown this kind of love before. Liam wanted her to be the same cold, heartless person she had been 2 years ago. Cameron wanted to teach her how to love and help her grow.

Kirsten was sure she was falling apart at the seams. Cameron had to wake up. She had to explain that she understood now, and she felt the same way. 

She realized that contrary to what he thought, she did trust him completely. She trusted him with the video of her and what she saw in the Stitch. She trusted him to guide her through someone else's consciousness and to get her out safely.

Now, she just had to tell him.


	2. Chapter 2

Kirsten killed him.

She killed Cameron, she killed her mother, she killed Ed, and she drove away her father.

The realization hit her like a bullet; one name after the other coming to her mind.

They all died for her. Because of her.

And she couldn't do a thing about it.

At that moment in time, Kirsten's rage alone could've restarted Cameron's heart and several others. Everyone died because of her. Because she had to be "protected". Cameron had trusted her to Stitch into him for information, and she had let him down. 

Gently, Kirsten ran her fingers through his hair. He had been dead for 5 minutes now, and Ayo and her team were desperately alternating between CPR and the AED machine.

"Cameron," she whispered, her voice cracking. "Please. I can't do this without you."

She moved her hands so they could shock him again; the violent jerking of his body making her flinch. She had caused this.

"Cameron, wake up." She commanded. No response.

"Cameron!" She screamed, her voice jumping an octave. 

She hated him in that moment. Why did he have to go and take the syringe? Why did he do this to her? She told him that it was a bad idea. He never listened to her.

A small beep broke the long tone from the heart monitor, causing her to snap her head up to see if it was true.

There were a series of small blips, then a normal rhythm. Kirsten let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. He did it. He made it out alive. Kirsten backed away slowly, letting the medical team surround him.

"He's asleep, and he's going to be fine." Ayo told her after she had finished changing.

It didn't take long for Kirsten to realize that even though he was okay now, she was literally killing him the more she got attatched to him.

She immediately requested time off from Maggie, who accepted without question. She couldn't be around Cameron again, for now.

***

Cameron was up and moving around within a week. He was back to his old self within a week and a half.

Kirsten couldn't look him in the eye anymore. She had seen too much in his memories-realized too much as well. 

He seemed hurt by her coldness towards him. She knew she was hurting him, but just knowing he was alive and okay was enough to keep her going.

She spent her time off working on college work, and avoiding Cameron at all costs. No texts, no calls, no facetime. He would text her everyday, and she would check and make sure it was nothing dire, but never answer.

They usually went something like this:

"Kirsten?"

"Are you okay?"

"Cupcake, please answer me."

"I don't know what you saw in the Stitch, but I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

And Kirsten's heart broke more with each text. She couldn't be with him. She couldn't have him die for her.

***

Cameron's POV

He had no idea why Kirsten wasn't answering him.

He would admit it; killing himself so she could stitch in was a dumb idea. The worst he'd ever had.

It wasn't like Kirsten cared about him that way anyway. They were friends, collegues; no matter how much he wanted them to be more than that. 

He would do anything for Kirsten. Die, as he had already shown. 

Cameron was pretty sure the radio silence from her was killing him more than the potassium chloride did.

He loved her. With all his heart. Every good memory he had was with her. How he longed to wake up be side her every morning, with her dressed in his clothes. 

He thought about going over there when Camille explained everything over dinner with him and Linus. Kirsten had refused to come.

"Cameron, you have no idea what Kirsten was like when you died." She said in her usual brash manner.

"Like what, then?" He asked in disbelief.

"She was terrible. Inconsolable for the longest time. I don't ever think I'll get her scream out of my head." Camille shuddered.

Cameron looked at her and tried to see if she was lying. "That can't be true."

"Kirsten saw something in your memories. Felt something. She wouldn't tell me what. But when you woke up, something in her snapped. One moment she's sobbing, the next she hears you're going to be okay and she leaves." Camille took a sip of wine.

Cameron imagined Kirsten screaming over him. It couldn't be true, could it? 

He grabbed his keys and his coat and headed for the door. "Make yourselves at home!" He called over his shoulder.

He sped the entire way to Kirsten's house. Cameron banged on the front door of her house when he got there.

"Kirsten, open up! We need to talk!" He yelled.

Thankfully, it didn't take too long for her to open the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Cameron? What are you doing here?" She asked, a hint of emotion threatening to come through.

"Why didn't you answer my texts?" He asked. "What's been going on?"

Kirsten hesitated, a flash of...was that hurt on her face? 

"I can't explain it." She said, staring at the ground.

"Try." He shot back.

Kirsten looked up at him, and he was surprised at the sheer intensity of the emotion he found there. Was this his Kirsten? The cold, emotionless blonde princess who wasn't afraid of anything?

"I saw something in your memories that I can't explain." She said, sounding more like herself.

"And that was?"

Kirsten took a breath, then her face smoothed out. "Do we have to do this right now?"

Cameron narrowed his eyes at her. She was stalling.

"I can stand here all night." He said. He was going to figure out what she saw if it killed him-again.

Kirsten raised her eyebrows, probably not doubting his statement, which was a good thing because until she told him exactly what happened he wasn't moving.

She opened the door, allowing him to slip past her and enter the house. He plopped down onto the couch and looked at her expectantly.

"I saw..." she started, staring at her hands. "I saw me. Everywhere."

Cameron honestly wasn't surprised. Most of his good memories were of her. His parents were never around much, and with his heart condition he never made many friends because he didn't do any sports or join any clubs. He kept silent, his eyes fixed on her.

"I saw everything you saw. Felt everything." The last part was barely audible.

Felt everything? Oh, crap. Cameron could feel the blush rising in his cheeks.

"So you know how I feel then?" He asked softly. 

Kirsten nodded, the movement so slight had he not been studying her he wouldn't have known she had done anything.

"I'm sorry, Kirsten. I shouldn't have put you through that." He laid his hand gently on her wrist.

"You're right, you shouldn't have." She said, anger making her voice raise. 

"You needed the license plate number!" He explained.

"At the cost of you? Is anything really that important, Cameron? Fisher is laying in a hospital bed, dying. You almost died. You did die, for exactly 5 minutes. I had to live for 5 minutes in a world without you. I may not know what time feels like, but 5 minutes in a world without you literally felt like forever." She was yelling at him now.

Both of them had risen from the couch and were facing each other. Kirsten's face was an angry mask, one Cameron decided he was going to crack. She wasn't telling him everything.

"I needed you to trust me, and you still don't! Not completely, anyway. There's something you aren't telling me." He yelled back. "Why are you pushing me away? You know how I feel, you know everything."

Kirsten opened her mouth, probably ready to tell him off. But she didn't, and instead she closed it. He could see tears welling in her beautiful hazel eyes and a wave of guilt washed over him. He was causing her so much pain.

"You can't be around me, Cameron." She said, softer. "I kill everyone I love."

Cameron was shocked. Is that what she really thought? 

"Kirsten, no," he said quietly, stepping closer to her and gently wiping away the falling tears with his thumb. "It's not your fault. Nothing that's happened is your fault."

Kirsten leaned into his touch slightly. He could tell she was working hard to control her emotions.

"It is. My mother, Ed, my dad, you...they all died because of me." 

Cameron pulled her into a crushing hug, unable to help himself. She pressed her face into the crook of his neck, letting out a small sob that broke his heart.

"You didn't kill anyone." He whispered. "You didn't cause anything."

"I just can't lose you too." She cried, her words muffled by his shirt.

Cameron felt like the biggest jerk in history. She just learned that she had basically killed her mother, and then he had to go and 'kill himself' for her. 

He gently stroked her hair, letting her cry into him. 

"I'm so, so sorry Kirsten." He whispered into her ear. 

She pulled back suddenly, looking angry and determined, but her hair was a mess and her cheeks were tear stained.

"Don't you dare do this to me again." She said, looking directly into his eyes. It was more of a command than anything.

"I promise." He swore, and he meant it. He would never hurt her like this again.

He watched as Kirsten wiped away the remaining tears on her face and pulled down her ponytail. He knew she wasn't magically cured of the hurt he had caused and the pain of knowing what happened to her mother, but for now she was okay.

One question still plagued his mind. "You know how I feel now, but I have no idea how you feel." He said.

"Oh, all that big speech and you still couldn't figure it out?" Kirsten replied, rolling her eyes. "For a man with a PhD in neuroscience, you're completely oblivious sometimes."

Cameron must have looked as confused as he felt, because Kirsten laughed. A true laugh, one that made his heart flutter and his stomach turn over.

"I feel the same way about you, girlfriend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is kinda sub-par, but its still nice. I didnt really wanna end with them making out, bc tbh its not always about the physical stuff to make a relationship. Hope you enjoyed!


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